Lil Kim vs lawn anxiety (s1e03)
For someone who loves being out in the yard, I'm not much of a grass guy. When things get out of hand, I need power tools and the help of a legendary ladies' hiphop supergroup to set things right.
Want to see pics from the garden? Instagram: @freshclippings
Show art by Alison McKenzie
Production guidance from Evan Roberts
Episode music from Blue Dot Sessions:
Our Son the Potter (Love and Weasel)
Pigpaddle Creek (Sour Mash)
Gamboler (Pglet)
Special musical cameo from:
"Not Tonight (Ladies Night Remix)" (Lil Kim, Da Brat, Missy "Misdeameanor" Elliott, Angie Martinez, and Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes)
Transcript
I thought I was being really clever.
Speaker:There was this sort of formless, ugly square patch.
Speaker:Lawn in our backyard when we moved in and I thought, you know what?
Speaker:I can do something way better with this.
Speaker:Uh, I dug out half of it, made a little bed and the other half I turned into a
Speaker:more organic shape and I thought I'll over plant some Clover over , plant
Speaker:some daisies, and then it'll turn into this lovely sort of mountain meadow.
Speaker:Uh, I didn't know.
Speaker:That if you leave grass alone, it it's not a meadow.
Speaker:It's Jumanji.
Speaker:It is foolishness in my backyard right now.
Speaker:Every time I look outside, I just have this lawn remorse,
Speaker:this sort of grass guilt.
Speaker:So that's what we're doing today.
Speaker:We're going to take care of that.
Speaker:We're cutting the grass.
Speaker:So let's get outside
Speaker:after you Millie.
Speaker:Oh God.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:This, this mess has to go.
Speaker:It is, I,
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:Must be removed.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I made myself an espresso.
Speaker:Listen to ladies night remix with Lil Kim and Missy Elliott.
Speaker:A couple of times on loop to get fired up.
Speaker:Let's do the game plan one more time.
Speaker:Basically, this started as a fairly simple chore in my head.
Speaker:Uh, the grass is enormous, but I was just going to get some sheers and just
Speaker:hack it all down to a reasonable size.
Speaker:Um, my husband did what husbands are great at doing, which was turn this into a
Speaker:project that had a few more moving parts.
Speaker:Um, so he went on Facebook marketplace, found a weed whacker.
Speaker:Then the weed Wacker needed twice.
Speaker:Then figuring out how to rethread the weed Wacker with the twine
Speaker:became a YouTube black hole.
Speaker:So it's a little more complicated than when we started out,
Speaker:but we are still up for it.
Speaker:As little Kim says, I got all my sisters with me.
Speaker:In this instance though, it's uh, it's just the cats at me,
Speaker:so we're gonna figure it out.
Speaker:Let's do it.
Speaker:. Oh man.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I'm standing in front of this stuff.
Speaker:Like when I said Jumanji, I seriously was not getting, uh, it, I'm standing
Speaker:in front of the grass and there's grass that goes above where my belly button is.
Speaker:If I stood out here naked, you could be looking across at me and take
Speaker:a picture and that would make it through the Instagram filters.
Speaker:It is that ridiculous.
Speaker:The cats won't even walk on it anymore.
Speaker:It's so.
Speaker:It is really it's, it's completely taken over the yard.
Speaker:So I'm glad we're doing this.
Speaker:Um, obviously some might say I let this go on too long, but then we wouldn't
Speaker:be having this adventure together.
Speaker:So let's check out the machine and let's, let's do battle.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Now, if somebody told you that you weren't supposed to use a weed
Speaker:whacker and hold a microphone at the same time, they were just lying.
Speaker:This is no problem at all.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I've got to plug that.
Speaker:Let's try it.
Speaker:I'm just going to give it a buzz.
Speaker:I'm like, God, it works.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:It works.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Uh, let's give this.
Speaker:it's not smoking per se, but it doesn't sound happy.
Speaker:I mean, it's doing battle with like full on like jungle vines.
Speaker:It did do some trimming,
Speaker:but it's running out of battery.
Speaker:Is that a thing?
Speaker:It doesn't have a battery it's like plugged into the wall.
Speaker:okay.
Speaker:I will say.
Speaker:I'm not sure this is like whacking weeds so much as gently sculpting
Speaker:them, but maybe it's just kind of how I have to move forward.
Speaker:it sounds like it's really struggling.
Speaker:Uh, okay.
Speaker:Ooh, just had like three wasps fly out.
Speaker:I didn't think about warning the bugs in here to let them know this was going on.
Speaker:Uh, Sorry guys.
Speaker:I know this has been the chill spot to hang out.
Speaker:kind of feel like I'm like the evil, real estate developer that came into a place
Speaker:where all the teens were hanging out all summer and it was like paving it over to
Speaker:turn it into a mini Mart or something.
Speaker:The grass has got to go.
Speaker:I know this has been a fun place.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Uh, once I put down the mic learned a couple things first surprising.
Speaker:It actually is an easier job if you are using do hands.
Speaker:So cool.
Speaker:Fine.
Speaker:Second, uh, those yard work, Goggle things.
Speaker:Aren't just for good looks.
Speaker:They, I guess, serve a function and I needed to go up and get
Speaker:some sunglasses because you know, you gotta protect the moneymaker.
Speaker:And specifically I do enjoy the power of sight.
Speaker:We're making some progress.
Speaker:Is this easier than just attacking it with Clippers?
Speaker:You know, I really, really love my marriage, so I'm not sure
Speaker:I need to answer that on this podcast, but we're getting some.
Speaker:Um, so let's keep at it from now.
Speaker:it's like more of a weed whacker, but maybe like a weed harasser or weed.
Speaker:some of these things it's kind of, I mean, these, these are prodigious dress stocks.
Speaker:They are, they're more hay than grass at this point, but
Speaker:it's kind of just bending them.
Speaker:The grass looks disappointed, but not con.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:Our very kind neighbor.
Speaker:Doug took pity on me, hassling my patch of grass and, uh, suggested that he
Speaker:might have a better tool for the job.
Speaker:So we've upgraded.
Speaker:This thing is much bigger and it kind of looks like a star wars weapon.
Speaker:So I'm excited to do battle more.
Speaker:Let's give this one a spin and see.
Speaker:Oh, that is a lot more power.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Let's try this again.
Speaker:That is extremely satisfying.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:This is going to go a lot faster now.
Speaker:So I think we're, I think we're going to make progress.
Speaker:It occurs to me.
Speaker:This is, you know, this is de brat.
Speaker:Like if we were making power tools for the lawn, each be the
Speaker:ladies and the ladies night song.
Speaker:This is the, the big guns there at the end.
Speaker:You know, where you, you get somebody who really knows what they're
Speaker:doing and can just absolutely
Speaker:deliver.
Speaker:I was.
Speaker:I led in with the NG Martinez.
Speaker:I guess it's a good place to start, but she's not going to
Speaker:get you to where you need to go.
Speaker:You know, she just kind of warms you up.
Speaker:You had to bring into brat to finish it.
Speaker:okay.
Speaker:Well, I got to scrape up all the grass leavings, but things
Speaker:are looking much better.
Speaker:Uh, finally, I can see a lot of the plants that I intentionally put in instead of
Speaker:just the wild jungle that I allowed.
Speaker:Exert itself on my space.
Speaker:So, you know, the comparison game, it's a little manscaping for the yard, which
Speaker:is basically landscaping, I guess.
Speaker:Anyway,
Speaker:, Thanks so much for joining me big, thanks
Speaker:brought in the big guns on this one.
Speaker:Uh, it's kind of fun to have neighbors that lend you power tools.
Speaker:It's an element of the straight experience that I have not.
Speaker:Not fully been able to participate in yet.
Speaker:So pretty sweet.
Speaker:check us out on Instagram We're fresh clippings Send us questions.
Speaker:I'm happy to make some quick little answers, um, or, you know, tips if,
Speaker:uh, there's anything you're curious about or anything you want to see.
Speaker:But in the meantime, thanks for joining me in the.
Speaker:Have a great day.
